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Birmingham AL Collaborative Divorce Law Blog

Monday, January 13, 2014

Life Does Not End at Divorce

As Birmingham divorce lawyers, we have the responsibility of shepherding our clients through what can be a difficult and emotional process. It is not ever easy to end a marriage, whether it has lasted for one year or for fifty. The stress and trauma can be such that those going through the process are unable to imagine a healthy, productive, and normal life afterward.

The truth is that life does not end at divorce. Rather, with the right perspective, a person can emerge from the divorce process whole, empowered and with more self-assurance than before.

The solution is to follow a few core principles before, during, and after a divorce.

Define Yourself

Regardless of what caused the divorce, events that precipitate it can shake the foundation of a person’s self-esteem and self-concept. Consequently, parties to divorce often see themselves and their future as defined by their worst fear or by the worst things they have been told about themselves.

Rather than focusing on such negative images and emotions, it is important for each person to take the time to define herself or himself, to remember his or her best qualities, most proud accomplishments and any dreams or goals not yet realized.  Decide who you are, who you want to be and where you want to go with your life; even as you grieve the loss of a marriage, remember to dream about the future.

Divorce Often Has Positive Ramifications

People decide to divorce for all kinds of reasons.  At times divorce is something both parties agree is the best decision; other times, one person may be more certain than the other.  It is important to note than even those who are certain about their choice to divorce can struggle emotionally to regain hope for the future.

Although the process of divorcing is never easy, most of our clients report that they are happier, healthier, stronger and more motivated following their divorce, which is something many of them didn’t expect. They report feeling more like themselves, and more free to follow their dreams.

The important thing to remember is that although divorce signals the end of a marriage, it also signals new possibilities for living life more fully.

When facing divorce, it can be tempting to focus on negatives, but doing so may also make it harder than necessary to find the silver lining: the new life that awaits you on the other side.

Divorce Offers an Opportunity for Stronger Relationships

Strangely, going through a divorce can actually make your future relationships stronger.

Clients who have remarried after divorce frequently believe that the lessons learned from their first marriage – including navigating the issues that led to the end of the marriage – strengthen their subsequent relationships.

When clients are able to learn more about themselves they are able to find and build healthier relationships down the road. They learn how to be more authentic and how to develop better boundaries, how to better resolve conflict.

As Birmingham divorce lawyers, we know that divorce is not anything people plan for when they get married; regrettably, however, it happens. If you or someone you love is preparing to go through the divorce process, remember: there is new life after divorce and it can exceed your expectations!


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