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Birmingham AL Collaborative Divorce Law Blog

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Seeking a Divorce and Hiring a Divorce Lawyer? Questions You Should Answer First

By now, any married couple – or couple contemplating marriage – has heard the oft-quoted statistic that 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. Whether or not that statistic is accurate, it is certainly indicative of how pervasive divorce is in our society.

Deciding whether your marriage is worth saving is one of the most challenging and trying decisions you will ever have to make. Before you conclude that divorce is your best option and hire a divorce lawyer, ask yourself these questions first.

Can we work through our problems?

Divorce can be precipitated by a number of things. While every marriage has problems, not all problems will or should end in divorce – and some problems may not have been properly diagnosed.

The first question you should ask yourself is whether the problems you are facing are relationship problems, or if they are actually problems in other aspects of your life that are simply impacting the marriage.

If you come to the conclusion that your problems are related to your marriage and/or your spouse and that despite efforts to address the problem, you have not seen improvement, divorce may be your best option.

What kept you from being divorced before now?

As divorce lawyers in Birmingham, AL, we often hear a client vent to us about a series of mishaps, injuries, or insults and say, “That was the last straw.”

If you find yourself saying those words, ask yourself: Why now? Is there something, some bond, holding you two together that is worth salvaging, even when the “last straw” seems to have been triggered? Something that has kept you holding on for so long?

Am I being realistic about my expectations?

What do you expect from yourself in your marriage?  And what do you expect from your spouse?  Are you expecting Cinderella or Prince Charming?  Before making the decision to pull the trigger on divorce  ask yourself: Are my expectations of who my spouse should be and how he or she should act realistic? Are my expectations of myself realistic? Am I demanding too much of myself?  Of my spouse?

Letting unrealistic expectations drive your decision can be a mistake and can often lead to unsatisfactory relationships post-divorce.

Even when divorce is the best choice for you, it is still a hard one to make.  And the process of divorcing, regardless of how amicable, is still painful.  Those who have weighed their choices and considered these questions before pursuing divorce, can often be better equipped to handle the inherent stress it brings.

However you make the choice, if the time comes, we will be there to guide you.


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